I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
