im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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