this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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