He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
