My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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