you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
