I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.