Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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