yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
