I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
