make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
