he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
