i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
