Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize