You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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