I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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