I think I am morally bankrupt
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
