Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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