i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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