I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
