What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
