How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
