I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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