I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
