Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
