you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
