Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
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Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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