just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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