My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
