You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
