You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
