I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
