i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
