I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
