I'm jealous of your bromance
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
