why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
