i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
