I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
