If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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