He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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