toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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