actually, I'm a sock model
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
