I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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