You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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