I'm going to jail i love you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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