if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
