Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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