let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
