Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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