He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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