i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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