so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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