Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
