um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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