Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize