Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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