Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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