i already hear my dad disowning me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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