Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
