erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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