so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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