When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
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I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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