She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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