He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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