my mouth tastes like poor choices
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
