dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
