Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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